I cooked. I swept. I scrubbed. I sucked. I fucked. I comforted. I waited without questioning on countless nights that turned into mornings. I prayed. I defended. I lied to myself to remain in denial. I did it all, and in return for my sacrifice, I received a broken heart wrapped in humiliation.

10 years ago I met a man that would, four years later, become my husband. He was beautiful, charming, and had a new business with a lot of promise and solid plan. He wasn’t rich. He had his hangups, as did I. But, he was so into me, and I was so into him, that those things didn’t matter. After years of dating potentials that quickly turned into disappointments, I felt that this one would be different.

And it was, in the worst way possible.

The first few years were rocky. We had some good days, and some bad, but that’s to be expected, right? I thought so, and I stuck around, accordingly like the fighter my mother raised. His business would stress him out, and that’d cause him to spend late nights working on it while I cuddled up with my pillow and remote without a word of complaint. When he finally made his way to bed, I was at his beck and call for anything he needed to help him sleep, even if I needed the rest just as badly.

This was what I felt like a good partner should do, and I signed up for the highs and lows of it all. But I didn’t sign up for the rock bottoms.

As the days went on, his stress became our distance. Our distance made way for silence, and then secrets. He was no longer coming to bed late. He was coming home late. I didn’t know what to do differently, or more, or better. I asked several times, and he dismissed my requests to fix everything like I normally do in every other part of my life. I knew it had to be more than his stressful business he was building that was on his mind, but couldn’t bring myself to accepting the likelihood of it being another woman, until she left me no other choice.

“I love you, too,” read the text that lit up his face-down phone while he finished up his shower.

Another late night entrance and me pretending to be sleep. I suppose he wanted to wash some of the guilt off before coming to bed, but he forgot to put his phone on airplaine mode upon entering the house as I’d noticed before, but chalked up as an accident.

When I picked up his phone to see who was vibrating his cell at 2:46 in the morning, I instantly memorized the text, and the number it was being sent from. It replayed in my mind a thousand times over the following minutes of me pretending I was sleeping again while he dried himself before slipping under the covers.

I didn’t go to sleep that night, and the next morning when he called himself waking me up to kiss me goodbye for his daily errands, I all but erupted into screaming tears about what I’d saw. But I kept myself composed, gently kissed him back, and patiently waited for the door to shut behind him so I could get up and call this other woman.

Come to find out, I was the other woman. My  husband was her everything, and by the sounds of it, he felt the same way. I knew of her, but she had no idea about me. He was distant with me, while they were falling madly in love. They had plans of starting a family soon, while children with me were not on his priority list, or as he put it, “too much right now.” Yes I was his wife, but it meant nothing. I had the label. She had his heart. For whatever that was worth.

Our conversation lasted about an hour before I had all I came for. The confirmation that my marriage was broken beyond repair, and that I needed to leave before I was, too, had settled in firmly into my ice cold chest.

I was officially a side chick with a little extra decoration on my ring finger to keep me shining while he kept me looking stupid. I know, it sounds harsh, but that’s nothing compared to how it felt. Giving your all to a man, and supporting his dreams, and neglecting yourself in the process just to have it all equal up to another woman’s happiness and your brokenness; I couldn’t accept this life for myself any longer.

I left the wedding ring, my keys, and a note on the kitchen counter before I’d gathered the essentials I needed to get away from the house long enough to finalize the divorce. His coming home late came in handy, and gave me time to make several trips back and forth to my aunts house to get everything. She had a mansion out in the woods of Grand Rapids, and an open door policy if I needed her.

And I needed her.

My phone blew up over the next week of my “husband” trying to reach me, at least while it was on. Most of the time I didn’t even care to charge it. After letting my boss know I was going to use all three weeks I had of vacation and paid sick leave, everyone else could wait, except my  husband. I didn’t want him to wait. I wanted him to burn in hell.

But the next closest thing would have to do; his guilty conscience. It’s been three years, and I’m much better, now, and by the sounds of my phone as I’m writing this, he’s still burning.

 

By: Anonymous Voiceful reader

“A man don’t know what he’s got ’til it’s going through his phone.” — Unknown

Read next: I’m A Woman, Not A Training Facility

 

 

190 comments

  1. Being strong isn’t always easy……after a year of being engaged, my fiance finally gave me what I needed to finally be done.
    Two weeks before our wedding I prayed the right prayer, but not before I spent countless nights and days on my knees in our master closet turned prayer closet praying the wrong way….praying for peace with one another, understanding, molding for one another, and a future that only God could provide. But with just two weeks left, i had finally prayed simply for Clarity, Discernment, and Wisdom….less than three hours later his lies Resurfaced and it was just what I needed to walk away from our house, the gifts, the cars, the ring and even the puppy he wouldn’t let me keep.
    But in return I had peace, understanding of God’s will, i molded for myself, and I stepped into a future that only God could provide. Painful? Yes…..Grateful? Absolutely
    Was my life saved? Completely
    Being strong isn’t always easy….but like Bob Marley said “you never know how strong you are until strong is your only choice”

  2. Joey says:

    This is a scary read and even scarier that a lot of people in the comments relate to it. I’m currently planning to marry a man who isn’t as financially independent as I am and I sometimes feel scared that he won’t be all that he is now (sweet, very supportive, attentive, we share the same values, his family is a bonus, etc) when things get better for him.

  3. I am so sorry you went through this. It’s terrible that men can have a good woman at home holding them down and still have the desire to cheat. Luke 8:17 reminds us that “For there is nothing hidden that will not become manifest, nor anything carefully concealed that will never become known and not come out in the open.” Thankfully his actions were revealed and you found the strength to leave. It’s amazing what God can help us get through.

    1. Glow says:

      This is coming from a very loving place in my heart , YOU know when you spouse or lover is getting out on you first your heart tell you then your mind will speak to you and you know we choose to stay for many different reasons. I stayed and he was not a cheater he was a beater the moment my heart spoke to me then my mind confirmed I needed a plan . I created a plan got my education , so I knew I could hold it down financially . Took a kick boxing class , and it was on the day I graduated from Nursing School, I took his AMEX BLACK ALL THE MONEY IN THE BANK ALL THE 401K AND HOUSEHOLD SAVINGS LEFT OHARE FIELD NEVER TO LOOK BACK. HE WANTED A DIVORCE I showed up in court gave him his divorce and proceeded to tell him one last time for old time sake only to whip his Ass the way he whipped mine . Left him on the floor of the hotl room with his balls in
      his hand .Men are vulnerable when they are naked. His time will come ……..

  4. Glow says:

    Sorry for your pain but all the signs were there based on your story . Thia was a lesson for you sister and trust me the pain will never go away but it will not hurt as bad it will be a reflective moment and when you see this again you will be equipped with the tight information to st yourself free.

  5. Bernadette says:

    My story is laced in yours. Heartbreaking to hear and read so many women share the same story. And share the same painful realities. What a sobering reality: being the wife and the other woman. I commend you for not taking years of emotional pain, disappointment and ultimately punishment before deciding to leave. It takes a lot of courage and a ton of self-worth.

  6. MERCY says:

    I’m going through a similar situation. Together 8yrs, supported him all ways I could. Then suddenly when he started making money I wasnt shiny anymore. he cheated and got her pregnant. i keep questioning myself. why did I have to be so stupid? It’s been 2 months and im still healing and taking one day at a time

  7. Blinded says:

    Ladies, I am here with you as well. 22 years in total! Been lied too, been cheated on, and I stayed knowing all this was going on. Before we got married, it all stopped. Eventually it began agin. But get this last ugly scank knew he was married and knew of me! What low self-esteem woman does that to another woman? Then involves her child? That is completely desperate! I found all kinds of proof it was happening. I finally confronted him and he confessed. He ended the affair, we went to counseling, it did not help. The worse part we never fought, argued and got along great. After months of not spending time together and living more like roommates, I said I want a husband not a roommate and if you do not want to be my husband you need to say that. Welp…he did. He moved out that weekend. Ever since we separated we have had more sex than when we were in the same house. But after 7 months, finally we decide it was best we get a divorce and it will be final soon. He moved to another state. We talk or text everyday. We are still cool and friendly. Sadly, I am still madly in love with him. I can’t get him out of my heart and head.

  8. Miss N says:

    I can relate so much to this post, my husband constantly has a relationship with his ex. All through my pregnancy after we just got married and the first months after my son was born. He said it was over and that it would never happen again, and now a year later I see him calling her baby in a text and am broken. I definatelt feel like I have the label and she has his heart and always will.

  9. Clive says:

    Honestly every one is right from their own version of belief but let’s not forget that a lot of things happen in people’s marriages, most keep it to themselves, some talk to counsellors and some talk to family seeking for solutions. If a woman does something while married it might take time for that specific thing to get out if at all it ever gets out why cause some husbands hold onto alot of imperfections from their wives for reasons of not demeaning respect from her wife by whoever might find out her ways, in the same vain women also keep hold onto alot of imperfections of their husbands some that she can’t share with her bestie and the rest with hope she will recover from it.
    So when a couple wakes up one morning and breaks up, we the well wishers tend to take sides depending on who was yr friend among the two or tend to judge basing on wrong information from one side of the story. There’s alot going on in people’s marriages that we need to let mature people be.
    There’s a reason for every action and every action has a reaction, so let’s not blame anyone here but rather give guidance to those who are still married to take heart and fight for whatever is worth fighting for if not leav the minute yr mind is made up.

  10. Natalia Corral says:

    18 years together, 8 of them married, 2 children together and then I receive screen shots of messages and texts that they exchanged from his transsexual side piece. I had no clue my husband was Bisexual, there was never an indication, I thought we were happy. Upon further investigation, on our child’s laptop mind you, I find out that he had a year long affair with a transsexual prostitute who he was paying upwards of $150 per “service”. All the while I’m working, carried us all on my insurance for over 8 years, commuted an hour away from home to keep our awesome benefits. It’s so shitty but you best believe I left, going through the divorce process now. He’s still in complete denial, says I’m crazy, says he doesn’t know the transsexual side piece, but I have evidence as thick as a book. I can’t believe this is my life!

  11. Imani Williams says:

    Many of our grandmothers stayed because of limited options, religion, and Black Respectability Politics. To every woman who questions whether she should stay and continue to be abused, my answer is NO! You will find a way to make. Be true to self first. Shit. We need a retreat to just “be” in Sisterhood. Peace and Blessings.

  12. Ronnie Bass says:

    This almost felt like “Acrimony” I’m glad she kept strong and ghosted his janky ass. And to any woman whose sincerely loved and been played I’m sorry. These things just…happen

  13. Shelby says:

    With growth comes wisdom. Most women who has not gone through this will judge because their “world” never had this encounter. However, I totally get and feel it this young ladies pain. I have been on both sides. Prior to entering the life of that man’s dysfunction, I never took for granted that what happened in this message wouldn’t happen to me. This is confirmation that I needed and I am glad that my current situation did not go as far as “being the wife and side chick”. If I have not learned anything else, it is to sit my ass down and listen when someone is talking to me.

  14. Laurrycha Poindexter says:

    Thank you for this. I have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 8. I too ignored my intuition, that awful gut feeling, and allowed him to give me so many excuses. This is an eye opener.

  15. Tamika Cottoy says:

    I can relate I lived with someone thought marriage was the next step just for him to do me dirty .There were other two women. To hear his say I didn’t matter after everything I sacrificed for him broke my heart

  16. Rebekka says:

    Thank you for this beautifully written piece – you drew me in with the headline – amazingly alluring. I felt your pain. But the importance of staying silent and composed is so impressive and the right approach – I am trying to teach myself not to do emotional outbursts bc they’re not effective, …and you demonstrate its power – You are such a strong woman, and i’m so happy that the universe saved you from the wrong man for your journey 💗

  17. Irene Kinyua says:

    He was never Gods plan for you. It had to happen so that you are where you are now. To push you to your destination and to help others that may be stuck in the same situation. And show that we dont always need to react but just walk away.

  18. Jennifer VanVyve says:

    I just ended an 11 year relationship with a man I thought loved only me. Red flag here, red flag there…. I hacked his Facebook messenger. Apparently there are many. It wasn’t only me. But I was the foolish one giving him money and doing all the cooking and cleaning. It was a hard pill to swallow. This man has some serious mental issues way beyond my experience and knowledge. Almost a year later, he still blows up my phone. I deserve better than this. We all do.

  19. Shala Lindsey says:

    She was a very strong Woman to walk away.Some people just don’t take Their Vows seriously anymore.I think that the problem many face is that we don’t wait for God to give us our husbands we do whatever we want,we do things out of Spite,lust,money,wrong motives and we are sometimes blinded by infatuation.One goes in for real love and the other goes in for foolishness and if the relationship is not mutual then it will never work.You have to be equally yolked this thing called marriage is not a one way street.This is my story.But next time I am going to let God join the union.I don’t want just a wedding,I want a marriage and I am going to let my husband find me and I will not mention being married,I will let him ask the question and If he and wants to do things tacky and Out of order,Then Goodbye!!!!!

  20. Morgan Saridakis says:

    This happened to me of 7 yrs but no ring, no vows. Just a random text message that led to a female whom he met on Tinder, had sex with the same day which turned in to her stalking me on social media. Calling my phone hating me because I was ruining her relationship with my man of 7 years. I ended it in a pretty rough way 3 yrs ago but now he lives with her, they’re engaged, and have a baby which was just born this month. I was lucky I saved myself. I’m really fortunate that I didn’t continue to tie myself to that sinking anchor. Giving him 7 yrs of my life was enough. Good for you acknowledging your worth early and for leaving immediately. I wish you the very best.

  21. Crissy says:

    Thank you for sharing. I’m on the other side. I am not as courageous as you in this situation. I have left two husbands (including the semi- narcissistic father of my 3 children who wasn’t even that “bad”), a fiancé, and several boyfriends since like a warrior, with determination to be treated as deserved and Not let anyone take my happiness and health. But this mf…he’s got some hold on me that has me running away and slamming doors constantly but I’m always cracking the back door open to let him back in. We aren’t “together”. I date other men hoping to move forward…but I need the courage of all you women to help me slam and padlock that door once and for all. His ‘undying love’, promises, and certainty that we will be together are all just words since his actions scream the opposite. He won’t be with his wife for much longer. She knows how long this has been going on (3yrs) and stays and makes sure he can’t leave…she just wants to make him miserable until he breaks. But that’s not my problem. Please send me courageous vibes. The guilt and pain and shame I’ve felt these last two years is eating at my soul. Love isn’t enough.

  22. Kristin Fischer says:

    Wow. I am happily single now, at 54. I’ve had two marriages, and both men were miserable. I’ve also had two men come across my path that I considered loves of my life, and they are dead.

    In order to love your neighbor as yourself you must first love yourself unconditionally with forgiveness and compassion and kindness and generosity. Now is the first time in my life that I get to honestly experience that, and I seriously doubt that a man of equal nature will cross my path.

    After reading this story, and loving my life exactly as it is, with more authentic Joy than I have ever had in a marriage, I am absolutely sure that I will never find myself in the company of a man again; only to me miserable with myself again.

  23. Ms jones says:

    Im going threw this now and I don’t know why I feel like if he leaves I will fail! He has left me several times and I still took him back but now he is saying he’s leaving again. I guess now I know it’s over any man that keeps leaving and saying he leaving again isn’t for me! Thanks I needed to hear someone else has been threw this! When he leave this time I’m changing the locks and I’m not letting him back ever again! Whoever is out there don’t know what they have coming! Amen

  24. Pamela says:

    So proud of you sis! Most of us have gone through if not the same thing, something very similar. It takes a really brave woman to leave and may God Bless you with a man you really deserve.
    .

  25. Tamoria says:

    I can truly relate to what’s she’s expressing i dated my husband for 4 yrs before we married i thought God had placed a man my man for a lifetime he’s had a wondering eye but ring was to be a title then he meet that 1 that i i could no longer give ultimatums he was in love and there wasn’t a dam thing i could do about i cried and screamed out to Jesus to help me please and he did he consoled me and a times he carried me i am that testimony “Girl You Can Do This “

  26. Kamala Brown says:

    Im soooo soorry you went through this. However don’t be so bitter, forgive him. Give him freedom too through closure as well. Everyone needs Love, regardless of their mistakes.

  27. Shavel Andrews says:

    This is truly touchy. A lot of us women stick around hoping he will change when in fact they don’t ever cause they already made their minds up to go else where. It’s really hard to loose the person you gave your all to but it’s even harder to end up with nothing.

  28. Temeika says:

    I’m going through the same thing right now. Many other mistresses one suppose to be pregnant. I hold this man down while he was locked up and still holding him down. I provided for our unborn child and continues to provide. He mentally,emotionally and physically abusing me. I don’t have anywhere to go with my 9mth old child so I guess I’m stuck in this misery. I pray that God will open a way for me and my child to leave.

    1. Quinn says:

      No no no , you are not stuck . All you need is to build a little bit of courage to move on. You make the move and get out and God WILL guide you through this and do the rest . It wouldn’t get any better by staying around and it sure wouldn’t get any worst leaving either . Please love yourself and child enough to leave …ask yourself these questions. Does this situation bring the best out of me ? What kind of person am I becoming being in this situation? Is it bringing any value to my life? Am I in the right position in my life ? Am I becoming the person I suppose to be ? And lastly is my child learning the value of life and family? You have a child that’s definitely depending on you to make the right decisions for him/her. Please don’t settle for less … you deserve better so Get Out!!!

  29. Lisa says:

    I been dealing with this the last 10 months I feel tht I been getting punished for his mistakes n leaving his family for another woman n her kids

  30. Kikis Chat says:

    Impressive. You are a good strong woman. May God strengthen you in all your future endeavours You are now armed and dangerous . ❤️ 💕

  31. Nikki says:

    That’s sounds like a situation I just got out off. I wanted him more then he wanted me and I saw something in him that he didn’t see for himself. In the end I was the one that got lied to, played, heart broken and now trust issues. He really had me thinking that it was something wrong with me. Now I see everything clear and I’m glad it’s over. Just working on me and time will heal my heart. You should write a book cause that hit home got a lot of women.

  32. Denice says:

    This was a very good read. Unfortunately many woman have experienced being the other woman inside your own marriage. I commend you for being courageous and strong enough to leave that situation immediately. Often times we try to convince ourselves on why we need to make something work that is truly beyond repair. Your next move will be your best move, I wish you the best!

  33. Carmen says:

    I just went through a similar situation. I recently got divorced. I knew what he was cheating. He kept denying it until recently that his baby was born. It is hard because you go out of your way and h give your all to make a man he happy and this is how you get paid. As women we need to empower each other so that others don’t stay in an unhealthy relationship. Thanks for sharing!

  34. Luciana says:

    Kudos to you! I felt you were sharing my story. As I recently told my husband I’m filing for divorce after 1 of the 3 mistresses contacted me and my kids through social media to let us know what she’d been doing with my “husband” their daddy. And I recently found out that he bribed our sons with marijuana to keep his secret! Letting go has been the best decision I’ve made in a very long time. Thank you for sharing. May God continue to bless you always

  35. Tina says:

    I’m Exactly her and yet I’m still here 😢 but for some unknown reason. I know i need to go but i can’t move. It’s been 30 years high school sweethearts, and yet i tell myself i won’t go another 30 years and yet I’m still here. I’ve been through affairs kids and yes i said kids with other women. I try and figure out what’s wrong with me? Is it me? I pray for strength everyday to just leave and yet I’m still here. Is it because I’m not strong enough, or to scared to be alone? But i tell myself everyday you are alone. Thoughts/advice anyone? I know we have to do it on our own but i would love encouragement, thank you.

    1. Cherylann says:

      The journey of a thousand miles begin with only one step. You are a beautiful creation from God. BELIEVE IT. Beauty can’t abide with ugly. LOVE YOU! You know what you have to do. You will need encouragement and I wish I knew you to be there for you but I will pray for you and your.strength.

      YOU DESERVE WAY BETTER. Once maybe a mistake but not repeatedly.

      RISE AND BE THE QUEEN THAT YOU ARE MEANT TO BE.

    2. D says:

      Tina you will find the strength inside of you, when you start to believe in yourself, and truly want to know what real happiness and love true feels like. True love not from another man or human being, but falling in love with yourself again. That self love will gravitate into universal love that will bring you the peace that you desire but yet have set in motion to obtain. Good luck in your journey you have laid the pathway for the behavior of this person to be in agreement that the way your being treated is ok and that you accept this. The only change will have to come from you. God bless!

    3. Kia says:

      You are not alone! Someone somewhere has face these exact circumstances. Sometimes we as women have trained ourselves to be a man’s backbone when in reality we’re really training ourselves to be his doormat. A man could never really love you if he’s stepped outside the relationship with different women and have had several children. You must get to a place where you love you more than anyone else could. My prayer is that you do what you already know is best for you and be encouraged while doing so.

    4. Linsa says:

      The longer you stay, the harder it is to get out. So many of us say “I would never” until you in those shoes you don’t know. Like all abuse it is hard to get out, because you believe you cannot do better. Some of us are doomed and it is the good women that always gets the f…. up deal.

  36. laticha ellison says:

    So many of us women has gone thru this same thing but scared to speak upon it due to being afraid of what others may say.

  37. Ypo says:

    To read this is so painful, and yet I am glad you escaped the torment. You are VERY strong and I truly applaud you…so many women keep living a tortured life in the hopes that their so-called “husband” would answer the call of our Creator to put their selfishness aside, respect their wives and stand up like real men! I will pray for your continued healing and transformation for your life! You are a captivating writer and I thank you for sharing your story. I hope you continue to write of your journey in healing and happiness! Peace be upon you sister! 💜

  38. Patiently waiting says:

    Wow this was such a powerful message I am blow away my your courage and I’m sure plenty of woman will be I myself was in a similar situation but ignored it all and I wish I had your courage before that ice froze over

  39. Julie Sejour says:

    Omg this was/is amazing. I’ve been here and while I’m I. A better place as well every word came together to encourage me. Thank you for sharing so openly.

  40. BG says:

    I was her for almost 10 out of 16 years. Only thing was I didn’t need to call to find out who THEY were because if they didn’t come to me in the flesh they made sure I was aware of their presence in spirit.

  41. Andrea says:

    This was intricate and heart felt! A whole life story in a few paragraphs! I hope women will read and know they are not alone!

  42. Kwagala says:

    May God enable you thru it all is my prayer it’s so hard to love and all you get back is broken prices but I believe Jesus for a miracle good men are out there u will meet one who is past all the drama phases.I feel your pain but I can’t stand in the shoes of your strength. You are very brave woman just keep your head high don’t let your crown fail queen. Thank you for sharing I send u warm hugs just to let u you are not alone in this & God is watching

  43. Judie Iloka says:

    Beautifully written, real and poignant. I was mesmerized and hoping it would have a happy ending. I applaud the strength we all think we don’t have, but find out we do.

  44. Just me says:

    I’ve been married for 10 years separated for 4 I have been the wife and the other woman for 9 that I’m aware of. The feeling of seeing those text messages and hearing the other womans voice would make me sick to my stomach. Everytime my phone rang my heart sunk a little just expecting to hear another person call me to tell me that they seen him with another woman. I’m glad you got out and I Pray God gives you strength and a man that deserves you and will appreciate all you have you offer. God bless

  45. Michelle says:

    My God MyGod!!! Sister bless your strength and courage. I was in a 15 year marriage to who I thought was my best friend. Not only did he cheat for years, but also had his friends, family and our only daughter keeping his low down secrets. Needless to say I called it quits and went my way in 2017 and have not since looked back. He’s currently in the process of planning a wedding and celebration with his mistress of 3+ years. As hurt and as dumb as I felt I walked away with my head high. I’m so glad I can share with you as well. Be blessed my sister.

  46. Tanya Hughes says:

    I was this women 18 months ago. I stayed hoping that I could reconcile as I didn’t want to loose my husband or break up my family. 18 months of heart ache, humiliation and immense pain. I’ve been praying but I think it’s time to move on. How does one forgive someone who could so easily discard you and the vows that you took and take chances on your health? Not sure but I am working on forgiveness and healing.

    1. Karen S says:

      Forgiveness is not for the other person …its for you…you much find a way to find peace within and forgiveness is the greatest way to achieve this…. I forgive my ex and I found that inner peace…We are good friends now, never to be reconciled, but we respect each other’s space and private life. It enabled me to accept and appreciate love when I see it…and not label all men bad because of my experience, I also identified my short comings in the process which I’ve improved same and still striving to be better… .. It took plenty prayers and faith in God to be at the juncture and I’m ever grateful… I acquired peace of mind…”that money can’t buy”….Trust in God…and don’t be bitter it will only hurt YOU… Best wishes sister..

    2. Andrea says:

      I’ve been through it and forgave my husband. He did repent and we are back together. Been doing great for over a year, but his heart was changed and that was true healing for our relationship. God knows.

    3. Sahiya says:

      Keep praying and seeking God DAILY!! Reading this article was like looking back in a mirror. The only way I made it through was with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Trust me you will get through this. Stay positive and expect great favor from God!!!

  47. Fabienne says:

    This was definitely an interesting read. And I commend her for finally putting herself first and ridding herself of any more torment. I have a similar past except I had children in the equation. I made it out but I’ll still coping with the hole it left behind. Right now it feels we’re both in “hell”. But I keep praying and I know my faith in God is the ladder.

  48. Deina says:

    Wow, it’s amazing how someone else’s story can mirror aspects of one’s own life. KUDOS for making a life changing decision oooh so bravely. I applaud you! It’s never easy I know personally!

  49. Tokunbo Sunny says:

    Wow .. GOD TRULY KNOW US AS WOMAN WE GO THROUGH SO MUCH BUT YET WE ARE SO STRONG.. wow it was a sad read but I definitely applaud You for stepping back some women would still be living a lie just so they could say I’m married.. MAY GOD TRULY HELP US ALL SO WE AS WOMEN CAN WALK AWAY WHEN WE NEED TOO

    1. Amarachi says:

      Don’t worry sis, there’s something you are not seeing. Time will never fail if there’s life, just watch. Focus on you, you’ve been given beauty for ashes. God bless you

  50. Christen says:

    I’m going through this same thing except his affair started 2 months after we got married, while i was pregnant with our son. I found out about the affair a month after my sons 1st birthday. I loved my marriage. I thought we were happy. He denied the affair but as soon as I served him papers he went public with their happy relationship. Only difference is my ex hasn’t regretted any of it. I’m the sufferer and he’s living his happy consequence free life with the mistress who now plays “house” with my son.

    1. Gissel says:

      I know and understand how you feel. Trust me, he will regret it. I found out about my ex affair when I was pregnant with my 3 daughter. I filed for divorce shortly after she was born. My ex laughed expressed how happy he was with his new found love. I cried myself to sleep for months. I found a support group of persons who endured the same thing. I grew stronger, healthier and happier. It’s been 5 years, my ex have continuously expressed regret and apologized for that he did.

    2. Soohia says:

      Please believe that he does regret losing you. The sorry type of person that does such a thing (narcissistic) has no conscious. And just wants to spare the relationship he still has. He will do the same thing to her. Enjoy your freedom and blessing of finding someone more deserving of the queen that you are.

    3. Nicole says:

      At least you discovered it before it’s too late, in my case he abandoned us after 15 years of marriage then hate me bcs I didn’t want him back in my life

    4. Michelle says:

      😯😤😤😤.omg I’m so sorry girl. I hope karma comes to them without ur son present. Stay strong momma. My rage reading ur comment!!

  51. Lilly says:

    I am so happy for you that you were able to walk away from this nacarissist. I pray that you are much stronger now. We all at some point in life come across these type of men who need to grow up. They are considered boys in a grown man body. Stay Strong sister!

  52. Mychaela says:

    Totally relating to my life right now, my boyfriend entered med school and couldn’t work. I worked 2 jobs 75+ hours a week to help provide for everything for myself and him. Long story short, his friend that he talked about in school that he was always studying with ended up sending him a text saying “hey babe I’m at work I love you”. I called her and asked if she was his girlfriend she relied “yes, he told me you were his sister”. There’s so much more to this story but I’m sure you ladies get the point.

  53. Naomi Cruze says:

    This is mad deep. Thank God I got out…I pulled a pistol on mine and saw myself in that same moment. I ran and havent looked back since. It’s just unfortunate that I have to coparent with this person…which that’s working extremely well because im solid on my terms as hard as he tries. It’s been a full three years and I feel like i have the strength of a million men. Time heals so much if you allow yourself to feel it and deal with it. Be as organic and pure as you can be. For me that was the only way i got thru it. Thank you for this

  54. Renee says:

    Wow I’m 3 years in and things are still the same too!! But by the end of the year I will be moving on and truly hope that I never ever allow myself to be involved with someone whom doesn’t value themselves or a relationship with good intentions. I’m so over trying to grow up these so call grown ass men

  55. Barbie L says:

    Notice, Queens, he was still calling his WIFE. I share your pain, sisters but take heart in the facts. She was a secret. We don’t keep secret what we love. We don’t take extraordinary measures to hide what brings us the most joy and comfort.
    He was still calling her.
    His wife.
    Most of our husbands never thought they’d actually lose us. They weren’t men. They were children who wanted what they wanted regardless of what it cost. Them or us.
    When it comes down to it, the best revenge is letting her keep him. If she started as the OTHER woman, she’ll never be the ONLY woman.
    Straighten your crowns, beautifuls.
    He was never worthy of you.

  56. Ruben says:

    After reading all of these replies above me I want to be one of the guys who wants to apologize very humbly and with a lot of humility that I have caused some of the hurt and some of the women that wrote on here even though I wasn’t the specific man that they’re speaking of but I do want to apologize because I was wrong when I did it NOW I KNOW WHY SOME OF YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO,,,,,,,,,,,,, I’M BROKEN TOO BUT THAT’S NO EXCUSE

  57. Joanne says:

    That was me 7 years ago. I pleaded, waited, prayer and begged to save our marriage but all fell on deaf ears. When I finally decided to end it, let’s just say I have never looked back.

  58. I’sha says:

    Very familiar!! Love don’t love anyone whom don’t love it back we fall victim when we lose ourselves loving a man who don’t love himself

  59. Mercy says:

    My goodness..I didn’t know that there were so many like me…you do virtually everything for a man…you forgo scholarships, dreams,bear him kids, support him but he still has the guts to betray me…. I found him live snogging and caressing another woman and even after seeing me he didn’t bother to leave her….I’m still shocked…we separated for the 3rd time in April….but am definitely done… so far so good

  60. April says:

    So me right now after 14 years of support, understanding, forgiveness, and even blaming myself or others for his infidelities, neglect, and disrespect. I’m a stay-at-home/homeschool mom so I don’t have the resources to just walk away like I want too. I’m using the time to update my certifications so I can provide for myself and children when that day comes. It is coming, my silence isn’t complacency, it’s me planning and preparing for my future, while he thinks I’m trapped, weak, and will have no choice but to stay.

    1. Cristina says:

      I am there with you, almost 15 years, 4 kids together, and the moment he made more money, had power, and was at the top of his career everything came out, he denies and lies, but I know the truth, I am devastated and heartbroken but tired of making excuses for him, and acting like I believe his lies because I am a stay at home Mom 3 of our boys have Autism, so I can’t just walk out, but I am planning on freshening up my career skills, saving some money on the side and leave when he least expects it. I don’t believe any of his excuses and he exhibits all narcissitic behaviors… I will pray for God to give us all strength 🙏😔

  61. Katie says:

    This story touched me tremendously. In all honesty it was to a T of my relationship. We have been split up since April and to this day I am still repairing myself.

  62. Olivia says:

    This story is very similar to mine… Except I was the other woman he planned a future with. A year of not knowing he was in another relationship ..he hid it so well. I chose to stay with him .. Thinking he would help our relationship move on. But he didn’t. And things only got worse. Times I wish I would have saved myself the pain and left when I had the chance

    1. Stefani says:

      Me right now…..so confused
      I didn’t leave when I found out….I stayed and have lost so much “waiting” and “hoping” only to still be waiting and hoping…..my heart is so broken, my mind so confused

      1. April says:

        No self respect. No self love. Not scared of diseases? Don’t know your worth? Do you even have worth? Desperation? Weak minded? Afraid to lose a man who’s not even years? So many questions as to why you’d willingly accept this? Leave him. Love yourself. Heal. Go and learn from this. Do better so you can be better.

  63. Dorothy says:

    Your story is similar to mines. I still tried to make it work but I had to change my thinking and began listening to Derrick and TDJankes things like that helped me I’m two years and I’m feeling so much better. I went through depression and much more! The testimonies many of us have

  64. Danielle Mcgee says:

    My finance did the same thing to me.
    It’s like a game to them let’s see how far they can push you before you break

  65. Tytosi says:

    Sorry for what happened to you while this can help us to start an honest convetsation.

    You mentioned all the good things you did while in that relationship. This made me try and figure out why a man would actually leave an Angel like you to someone else. I bet the next person will not be that good.

    I wonder if it was a bedroom issue ?
    Would you please let us know the kind of disagreements you used to have. Even those things you believe are insignificant.
    I believe you when you said you supported him in everyway necessary to succeed in his endeavours. How wer you helping. How did yiu support his ideas. Were you in agreement with his ideas or you always find a better way of improving the idea , always trying to make conclusions in a discussion. Even when you are on agreement instead of just making him feel like a man. Just listening and agree with what other people say but with him you just feel like the idea needs improvement.
    When cooking were you cooking because its your home and your husband or it was for the record to be seen that you did it.

    I am about to start driving now. My writting might not be really structured but will get back to this discussion. It is a big topic that needs to be opened up . It might touch some nerves

    1. Raya Rouge says:

      Tyrosine, It sounds to me like you’re trying to find a reason why he cheated that was caused by HER. I hope you realize that there is such a thing as some people just being shitty people with little integrity or moral standing to act fair. Society is full of it.

      For a person to move into a new relationship without ending the previous one is a capitalistic move which is also the underlying culture of North Americans. It’s selfish and it happens quite often, particularly in a Western cultures. Even if she was to waste her time digging up past disagreements and discomforts, It would only be to cater to your need to find fault in her contributions to the relationship because by your apparent logic, a man wouldn’t leave “an angel” like her without a real reason (that has something to do with her).

      But in my experience, people can do things like that entirely of their own volition based on their paradigms, motivations and personal values. Even she did something to turn the relationship off, the fact still remains that he pursued a new life without giving her the chance to do the same – aka a lack of integrity.

      People who move like that often do it because they didn’t have integrity to begin with, they just beguile people with a charismatic act and charming personality. If he had even a bit of integrity, he would have left her or at least let her know where he was with her mentally and emotionally.

      Don’t look to justify shit like that just because you need to find comfort in believing that people would only do that kind of thing for a reason that others would cause. I get that it might make you feel safe in thinking that there is a certain amount of control on the outcomes of your own relationships when you believe a thing like that, but that belief will likely burn you one day because it’s false.

      Some people are just poor characters, like this woman’s ex husband. End of story.

      1. Lo says:

        @Raya my thoughts exactly!! I am going to something similar and I haven’t been perfect but definitely didn’t deserve to be treated badly, lied to, and the array of things that he sent my way. I had to realize that I didn’t cause this behavior and that it was something personal with him..

      2. Beverly Sangster says:

        Everyone is responsible for their own actions!! We as human beings have choices to make and it’s up to us to make the right one. So, we can’t blame anyone but ourselves for doing wrong..

        1. Beverly Sangster says:

          A man is quick to accuse a woman of his actions,But the devil is a lie! He has no character,morals,respect,integrity,or self-control! A weak man loves to fulfill the desires and lusts of his filthy,dirty flesh!

    2. Aria says:

      To Tytosi, while you seem well intentioned, you seem to be looking for what I’m sure she did for too long: an excuse to make her stay and leave him unacceptable for all the he did wrong. What I’ve come to find is you can’t love someone into accountability. If that were true, there’d be no addicts and certainly no broken hearts. Love should never take the life from you. Love by definition gives life. Sometimes it is time to let go.

  66. Lizzy says:

    I’m so sick and tired of these men who do this!!! If you want to play the field don’t get married, don’t be in a relationship with someone you know is being monogamous and committed to you!!! Once you’re married if your view changed. Let her know. Get a divorce so she can move on a be happy like he want for himself. Why play with someone’s heart and emotions like this???

  67. Emily says:

    This was me. I foolishly believed he was separated and thought we were in love, building our future. Then I found out I wasnt the “other” woman, I was the “middle” woman. I can appreciate this from THREE perspectives; the agony his WIFE must have felt… the lie of believing I was his TRUE LOVE… and finally, realizing the TRUTH…

  68. Danyell says:

    So happy he was a bag of selfish insecurities and even happier that you removed yourself from his space immediately. May GOD continue to bless you. I’m sad for me because this is basically my story but I wasted 4 years waiting for him to change what he never intended or wanted to. Soo does your aunt have room, lol? GOD bless you

  69. Brenda Parran says:

    While this is extremely unfortunate, you are victorious! Mainly because you left that unhealthy situation. But one can only wonder how you got into it. It isn’t always the exit that helps the next, It’s also knowing what signs to look for to prevent heart break and time wasted from the start. Men use women often times as a rebound to get the woman they actually want and love. That does not mean that he did not have love for you, but knowing the difference, now that’s where it gets sketchy. Some men who were raised by (single) women have the game and gone with it. It’s waiting patiently enough to observe if it’s ginuen or not that could be the determining factor for most women. Men have game, oh and don’t let them appeal to the lust of the flesh, It’s over! My suggestion is to take your time and even still you could end up with a knuckle head, but that’s where you just allow God to have his perfect work in you to allow your spirit to draw the man God has for you.

  70. Lucky says:

    Wow, this sounds all Familiar, what I learned was sometimes things have to fall apart for life to fall in place. Thanks you Jesus I’m out of that relationship and life is great.

  71. Jane says:

    My ex was the same way, we dated for 7 years we lived togehter had ups had downs, and at the end of it i was the side chick and he had a wife and kids at home.
    I was young and maybe a bit too obsessed with having a great love and house, big red door,white picket fence, lots of kids running a round and off course a dog. I never felt more humiliated in my life. Just graduated looking forward to my life starting as a 23 year old working woman and i man i loved who was older but i worked. After his admission i went home packed my bags left cried for a week and after that got up took a hard look at my life and now i am better then i was but not as trusting as i was.

  72. Dana says:

    I went thru this after 13yrs on marriage it was the hardest thing to do was walk away but I knew I had to for my sanity and my sons. Much love to all useoman that have felt this horrible pain. Stay strong you can walk and still do great.

  73. Ana says:

    “Giving your all to a man, and supporting his dreams, and neglecting yourself in the process just to have it all equal up to another woman’s happiness and your brokenness; I couldn’t accept this life for myself any longer.”
    Thank you for this!! I almost gave in but this was like a slap in the face.
    Thank you once again.

  74. Charlie says:

    Wow…. I understand where your coming from I went through the same I was with him for 25 years 2 kids and everything changed in the blink of an eye. Life just keep praying and keep your head up.

  75. Bountiful girl says:

    I felt like I wascreading a novel and it was a bad dream. By all indicators too many women go through this experience. Some men play us for fool and do not realize we are smarter. They think with their penis but when the going gets tough, sense overides sentimentalities. All the best, and I hope other women will developvthe courage to respect self. Thanks for sharing.

  76. Julie says:

    My exhusband is now married to the women he fathered a child with while we were married. I met him at tender age of 16 years old. I was hurts for years. Now he is chesting on HER.

  77. Nasiphi says:

    Lord! This is seriously heart breaking. I relate, I hope I had her strength of walking away, And to think that he’s just a boyfriend not even a husband but I’m this weak!😞💔

  78. Balihodzicelms@gmail.com says:

    So proud of you… your peace and mind is important. I’m glad you chose you . Your happiness and your mind is worth millions of reson to be happy. God bless . I hope you find everything you are looking for.. ❤

  79. Allisheis says:

    Damn the hunt was on before you knew it, something he’ll miss but something you knew was not what you were worth,valued yourself to come out of it so great love of self.

    I was the side chick with the 2 kids by him this other chick is the chick he got with when I was pregnant with our 1st child feeling like we were just going to co par. But nope we ended up together after the baby was born then later After the weekend parties hell sleep on the couch I was pregnant at the time,like 7months baby num 2 he would go to work at 4am and come home at 1:00pm then it turned into 4pm . I finally got my kids in childcare got a job in left him 2month plotting thank God this man ruined his own chance I feel no guilt or saddness like before and my man says I’m his favorite person in the world treats me n my kids with respect and he makes me feel that safety my kids and I need.

    I new in my heart I hoped for a different lifestyle before I settled for him so I blame self and I forgave myself for allowing it and I forgave him who now is still trying to get me back while being that same guy because I have received the love I called in from God and now this man does everything he doesn’t including being a loving father figure to our kids who are young and growing. It’s all love and the best thing for my family. I wouldn’t want to show my kids that what was happening was acceptable.

  80. Former Wife says:

    Reading this took me back to my own story… wow. I did the same except converse with the “Band Wife” (ex is a musician/band leader).
    It takes courage to leave a relationship you’ve invested your entire self to. But, in time, peace comes and you realize your own strength. Kudos to all of the courageous women who knows her value.

  81. Wow, so sorry for her, but God is good, at least she found out early and left, ended it, these men have no souls anymore, no care or character, smh, better to know than have no clue, Stay woke sisters, if it quacks like a duck, it is a duck, investigate when your heart tells you something, to save yourself alot more heartache STAY STRONG

  82. Stef says:

    You are a strong women I’m going through the same thing at the moment. Didn’t have the ring but two kids and 18 yr of my life it is hard. Ever Day is a test but I pray and the lord is my shepherd and he is helping me become stronger every day. I hope that she will see one day what kind of man he really is.

  83. Aneerah says:

    Going through the same problem, bonus is, we have 5 month old son now. Im happy you found the courage and strength to save yourself. I hope I can be brave as you are. Leaving is easy but staying away is never easy. 🙁

  84. Dawn says:

    Another part is there was the the other woman. She had to know he was with someone. Women are so down to get with these men who are in a “bad situation”. We don’t realize that this is how he is. He’s a cheater. He’ll do it to you next. When he thinks he’s found someone who sucks and fucks better or who’s fried chicken is crunchier than yours. Gotta start leaving our hearts in our chest. All they need is our minds. Show them how smart we are!!!

  85. Emma says:

    Glad you found the courage to get up and leave. You Loved Yourself More and sometimes people become so caught up in “marriage” they feel as if they need to stay through thick and thin good or bad. They forget their happiness comes first.

    1. Janice Ryan says:

      I agree Emma, never give your all and be everything to anyone or you will not have anything for yourself. Love yourself more than anyone else. I am happily married thankfully and hubby isn’t a cheater. My daughter however, is caught up in marriage as you say and that is all that matters to her, everything and everyone else is non existent to her as long as she is “married”

      1. Nicky says:

        You never know that your partner isn’t a cheater until you find out that they are. The idea that anyone can protect themselves from being cheated on sadly doesn’t pan out. As you note, the only thing we can protect ourselves from is giving so much of ourselves to our partners that in the event they turn out to be unfaithful, we’re able to extricate an intact version of ourselves from the relationship and move on.

  86. Jesycah says:

    I’m going through the exact same thing, except we have a child. He doesn’t know that I know about everything he’s been doing, but I’m trying to get my daughter and I away from his betrayal. The only thing that eats me up at this point is not knowing if I can allow him to be a father even though he’s been the worst husband. Truth be told, I don’t want him in my life OR hers. I wish men would just walk away from their wives or girlfriends before dragging them into emotional pain and suffering.

    1. Kem says:

      The child has nothing to do with him cheating on you! Keeping a child away from their father. You will only be damaging your child involving them in adult issues.

      1. Now That's Dumb says:

        Yeah, he can teach his daughter how to marry a user and a liar instead of marrying a man that will be honest and tell her that their marriage is over. Her future looks bright. 🙄

  87. Moni Tindle says:

    Wow!….but, not wow!…as many stated before, this is all to familiar..didn’t marry, 9 yr. together, helped with his business, lived in separate homes he said “I was his everything”, i, also found out I was the other woman…I too left the relationship!…congrats! to her courageous actions!!!

  88. Ericka says:

    Bravo!!!!!!! The Blessings you’ll receivefor loving YOURSELF through the hurt, lies, disrespect, inconsistency and failed communication, will BLOW YOUR MIND!!!!!!!
    Thanks for sharing your story❤🙏❤

  89. Yanique Kivi G Gayle says:

    Wow…so much so many of us (especially women) have to muster up the strength and pull ourselves through😔 so very heartrending. I applaud the writer and happy she’s now in a better place now. Inspiring.

  90. Linda says:

    Going thru this and I’m sick of it..marriage 28yrs divorced for 9yrs..NEVER left each other alone..now hes married to an exfriend but lives in separate homes….just tired!! No good coming out of this at all..

    1. Shay says:

      That have to be hurtful; however, I urge you to concentrate more on yourself than him and his life. In the end, it serves of no benefit to you nor your mental health. It’ll only hurt you. Neither one of them care anything about you or your feelings because if they did, you wouldn’t be going through any of this. Get you together so that when they do see you, you’ll be that LIGHT. Don’t compare yourself to her, just rise above her. The Ex-Friend will be deal with just as he. Disheartening!!! Bless you!!! Pure drama!!!

      1. Shay says:

        Linda, that has to be hurtful; however, I urge you to concentrate more on yourself than him and his life. In the end, it serves of no benefit to you nor your mental health. It’ll only hurt you. Neither one of them care anything about you or your feelings because if they did, you wouldn’t be going through any of this. Get you together so that when they do see you, you’ll be that LIGHT. Don’t compare yourself to her, just rise above her. The Ex-Friend will be deal with just as he. Disheartening!!! Bless you!!! Pure drama!!!

        Loading…

  91. Isaac says:

    This was really deep and almost too close for comfort. I’m glad that you got out of bad situation and are in a better place.

  92. Brenda says:

    Wow, im going thru this SAME EXACT THING RIGHT NOW…..MY STRENGTH COMES FROM KNOWING I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE and we will be fine, their loss, NOT OURS.

  93. Uniqua says:

    Wow, I commend her for the strength she had to walk away and not look back. There must be a book given to some men. The stories over the years are way too similar. God bless her.

    1. Tamara mason says:

      Hmm I felt as if you was relating my situation. I have been married 3 years this June gone .only to find out my husband had and affair about a year into the marraige and it is still going on I found out the same way his phone ringing early in the morning and getting her name and finding her on his facebook profile which I’m not his friend. Msg her I got to realize he is really interested in being with her and he would like me to leave and go we also have a 1 year old child.

    2. Kim ford says:

      I loved this story very lovely and TRUE to life Yess indeed Beautiful Amen ❤❤💜💙🙏👀👀💕💕💞💖💖💖👏☺☺

    3. Tearial Frierson says:

      This is the same as my story. I’ve been married three years and separated for 2 years and some months. I’m doing better without my husband than I did when we were together.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *