I would tell you not to judge me, but I’m probably too late. So here goes.

I was single for two and half years and went without sex for the last 732 of those days — and yes, I kept count. At age 29, I had no baby daddy drama and a bank account that was nice cushion between me and broke. I considered myself quite the catch and wanted to hold out on giving anyone any part of me until I knew it was right.

So when I met a man whose mind was as beautiful as his physique — and astonishingly in this day in age — emotionally available, I gladly nestled my way into his large, strong arms and let him catch me. But it wasn’t long before I slipped between those fingers and landed face-first onto the floor in shock at the revelation that he “used to be gay.”

I’d only heard of this concept once before when the guy who was delivert went viral; and I can’t say I’m completely sold that he un-gay.  Anyway, this initially struck me as a deal breaker that would send me right back to my single status, marking off more days from my calendar Sharpie pen. I don’t think I’m homophobic — at least I hope I’m not, but I’m not sure I would ever feel like I’m enough for a man who even partly wants something I was never designed to provide.

Then he gave me context which changed everything for me. For several years in his childhood, he was molested by an elder in his family which caused him to be emotionally lost in his late teens. In that time, he romantically dealt with other men genuinely believing that’s what he wanted or maybe even needed, when really he was clinging to what was most familiar to him –the type that had been forced on him as a young boy. But after getting therapy and healing those wounds caused by his sexual abuse, he no longer operated from that place of trauma and never felt attracted or drawn romantically to men again.

He’s gone 12 years without homosexual engagement, until the point he and I were at this intersection: my reckoning with his past or heading for the hills.

More than being turned off or disappointed, I was hurting for him — for what he went through and how hard it must be carrying himself in this world that is so one-dimensional about manhood, and that something completely out of his control would be able to compromise it in the eyes of those he came across. I couldn’t hold his past brokenness against him any more than I’d want someone to hold mine against me, and homosexuality didn’t make his any less acceptable.

At the end of the day, he was once a version of himself that doesn’t represent who he is now, and on some level that applies to us all unless you haven’t grown in life. So with that understanding and the fact it’s going to take more than that for me to pass up on an amazing man, I decided to stay.

 

Sent by: Anonymous Voiceful Reader

29 comments

  1. Aqkhira S-Aungkh says:

    I don’t believe this man was ever gay just reacting to the molestation . Molestation can be very confusing for the molested for several reasons one being if the abuse was not violent or painful but pleasurable the abused will seek to repeat that pleasurable experience. This is true for all pleasurable experiences as our brain releases dopamine and other hormones and chemicals that makes us feel good. Sexual stimulation is no different if it is a pleasurable experience we will seek to repeat it. That is one reason childhood molestation is so damaging because it awakens urges that the child is too young to understand, they only know if it is painful or pleasurable. Many studies show that childhood molestation often leads to sexual promiscuity. In my opinion someone who is actually gay can not be diverted converted, or prayed into heterosexuality. I’m glad this man got the therapeutic help he needed to deal with the abuse that he was subjected to so that he could heal I’m also glad that he found someone who is obviously not a shallow person but rather someone with compassion understanding and a deep love for him.

  2. Abigale Lewis says:

    I think posting this situation took courage. I also believe this scenario applies to a lot of men and women caught up in this lifestyle. Because I believe in the God of all creation, the Almighty God of the real Bible, I believe any of us can be delivered and set totally free from anything we are in bondage to and held captive by. However, because of the stronghold of this bondage, therapy and counseling will not keep someone from returning back to it. Anything could trigger a relapse. It takes the All powerful Spirit of the Living God to free this one and keep them free. Of course they will have to do their part, maybe for the rest of their lives to avoid situations and circumstances that will tempt and entice them back into that lifestyle. One has to truly want to be free to get free and to stay free. I believe taking this on without God is worse than Russian roulette.

  3. Tracies FirstBorn says:

    I hate these clickbait titles. The title should be, “He Once Struggled to Heal from Childhood Sexual Abuse but Now He’s Mine.”
    The other title implies that LGBTQ people can “change” and be “normal heterosexuals”. That’s very problematic because
    YOU ARE WHO THE CREATOR MADE YOU TO BE.
    We can do better than this “Pray the Gay Away/I Am Delivert” mess. We got enough folks hating and killing themselves and in turn hurting others. Let’s do better!

    1. Cheryes says:

      Well my daughter participated in “gay” behavior for 4 years sleeping with women only.. and then and for the last 4 years has no desire to be with a woman…but would like to have a husband….just what is wrong with changing your sexual taste and desires because that is all homosexuality is. It is having sex with the same sex…beca because men ok women CANNOT change their DNA..ion care how many operations you have..God created what he created and itsi final no matter how you pervert the truth with lies.

    2. Mel says:

      Well I would say alot of the LGBTQ community have delt with some form of molestation or inappropriate sexual contact as a child. Not saying all but I’m sure alot. So I think the title is correct as he did live the life as a gay man participating in sexual acts with the same sex, had counseling and delt with that part of himself he obviously had a conflict with and decided to change for who he feel he is.

  4. Barbara says:

    Praying that he continues to enjoy the pie and what it has the offer. Continue to put all the ingredients into the pie that it does not loses it’s flavor. Hopefully help curve his desire for banana filling. The relationship may require a lot of work to separate unnecessary cravings, because the flesh can get weak. Praying for you!

  5. Andrea says:

    He could have hidden that from her and pretended but the fact that he was open and honest in such a judgements society makes me respect him and the fact that she accepts him makes me value her because there are so few people in in this world left with such amazing hearts filled with faith, hope and love. When we die love is all that will remain ❤️

  6. Angela says:

    Everyone has a past. His is just different. Be happy with each other. Pray, because the negativity will come! You have been given honesty and a choice, that goes a long way. I’m happy for your both!

  7. Mali says:

    I’m from the school of if a man has entered or have been entered by another man by choice, he is gay gay gay for life life life. You can’t tell me you wont be suspicious of him for the rest of your lives. Will he be able to hang out or vacation with his boys without a hint of concern? If your honest answer is yes then I guess you’re deliveret as well. Sorry, just prepare yourself or better yet, walk away.

  8. Julia says:

    I’m one who will dig even deeper into the recesses of the mind and pschye. I would always have questions. Glad that you were able to come together and have what you have and wish you the best!

  9. Nicolr says:

    Many of us are dating, sleeping with or married to men that have experienced this type of abuse and vice versa. There is no black and white to this, only healing the traumas, digging deep to uncovering our authentic selves and finding that one who is open to and understanding of this dynamic

  10. Faith says:

    Glad he was able to find his true self after abuse and if our past was held over us in a negative light we would never move forward we all have a story we all have a past but living in the here and now is called having a future

  11. Torri says:

    Never let anyone define or justfy what is right for you. This is your life and you are the one that has to accept and love the man, his past and his future. This story was shared with honesty and what is right for you!

  12. Rain says:

    I can totally relate to this article because I went through a similar path in my life except that I am a woman. Being sexually assaulted by a women made me believe that was what I was attracted to as an adult. I was with a woman and very unhappy until I went into therapy and had the same revelation. I left her and have been dating men for the past 20 years. I missed being with a man and have no desire to be with a female again. Abuse has a way of distorting your vision of who you really are and what you need to be happy. I love this article, thank you so much for sharing it with us.

  13. MadamShani says:

    Dont pay attention to the small minds who cant understand how truly beautiful this story is! Thank you for sharing this!!

  14. Lexy says:

    I don’t know..I understand he was molested when younger but how do you continue to date the same sex and say that its bc u “Thought” u were attracted to it for years. Also he Told u that its been 12 years but how can u be certain that the attraction towards men is gone, the fact that u are hurting for him and have been alone for so long (even though ur a catch) could be your rose colored glasses but aye Wish y’all the best!

    1. chbraswell2018 says:

      Interesting topic. I have many gay friends that are out and many that aren’t but are held to their religious belief and decide not to date at all. I’m not sure that you can just reason gay away, but It comes down to what you want in life and what you feel is right. Definitely worth several more insight into this topic.

  15. Rebel Queen says:

    This is a fucking great ass blog with the challenges of real life being told. I’m proud of this sister for the growth to accept her man’s past and courage to share this story. Very inspiring! Go on and create the happiness you want in your life sis!!

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