In a perfect world, we would be the best version of ourselves, contributing to society, and lifting one another up. And though this world ain’t perfect and nobody in it is, why is that still not goals?

By Anonymous as told to Ida Harris

The Voiceful is like that down-ass friend who always has juicy shit to share; the one whose call you wait for all hours into the night; the one you always answer. It’s like the friend who teaches you life lessons you can learn through her own trash experiences, and doesn’t judge you for yours. Voiceful space was long overdue. I came across the platform on Facebook, when an article about a man becoming “ungay” flooded my timeline. The post had a load of comments with people sharing opinions on the situation. Some people were sympathetic, and some applauded the woman who decided to stay with her man — despite his history of sexual engagement with other men:

 

Many commented saying they themselves couldn’t do it, but respected her choice and his honesty:

Others were just downright hellish, and many of them were namely hating ass men:

 

I’ve been wanting to share my story with the Voiceful for quite some time. But — I’m hesitant. It’s not that I ain’t really tryna to be judged, it’s because sometimes women you tend to feel safe among can be more brutal with their criticism; even more so than men — all in the name of calling each other, Sis. Last week, Voiceful shared a story about a girl who went on a date with a dude who couldn’t afford the tab. While the majority of women could relate and gave words of encouragement, there were plenty of chicks that dragged her, made her seem stupid and thirsty. Someone even put the blame on her called her “goofy,” and those remarks were hella scathing:

Some of even made up their own scenario of how she should’ve known better, when we all have different insight. Then there was the newly divorced woman who contracted herpes when her so called boyfriend cheated. She was read for filth, comment after comment. While we sometimes contribute to, and should be held accountable for our mishaps, there’s no need to be shitted on in the process. These ladies were brave enough to bare their flaws and indiscretions on a forum that is by us and for us, to learn, relate, and be entertained. Yet, some of us are as abusive as the men and circumstance these women have over and pushed beyond. It forces me to ask a serious question: Ladies why are we like this?

Why are some of us so quick to contribute to the takedown other woman instead of lifting them up, when the world around them is already beating them down and telling them they ain’t shit. It says so much about ourselves as women than it does the women we berate. I ain’t saying everybody should feel the same or have good things to say, but positive criticism is a thing and negative criticism is harmful. I value the Voiceful and what it offers so I’m still considering telling my story because I think it will be good for me and others. I just needed to get that off my chest — that woman to woman we all need to do better.

We all have individual growing to do, but we also have collective growing to do, too. And for those who ain’t with it, if you ain’t Sissin’, don’t call me Sis.

Go to the profile of Ida Harris

Ida Harris

I be writing. I’m aiight with standard English, but poetic with Black Vernacular. I’mma dope dealer, too

7 comments

  1. Kim Robinson says:


    This has helped me check myself.”why am I hard on other sistas?Especially when the Universe is clearly distributing the much needed lesson.”I know there is love there or I would’nt care so much..will do better.

  2. Lisa says:

    I totally agree. I am 44, therefore, I have been through the same shit or have really close female friends who has. We as women need to do better. We go through the same shit at different times. We are our worse enemy. Let today be the day we come together. For the females that think this can’t happen to you, think again. Also, if you have something negative to say, whoa, I am glad we aren’t friends.

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