D’juana is that Sis who has your back and is unafraid to tell you the truth when you need to hear it. She is the battery in your back when you need encouragement and motivation. She has zero fucks to give, but she adores you
 Ask and she will advise.


Dear D’juana,

I am currently embarking on a new phase in life. I am focusing on me and my own happiness for the first time in life. I just moved into a new apartment, and while it is exciting — it is also challenging. I am charged with decorating and picking out furniture without having to consult a boyfriend or husband, nor do I have to be concerned about kid-proofing my pad. There are so many things to choose from. As far as my bedroom goes, I’m ready to practice getting pregnant or trying porn positions. I’ve narrowed it down to two beds I like and I still can’t decide:



D’juana, I need help!

Sincerely yours,

Desperately seeking boudoir design advice.


Dear Debbie Desperate,

It is my pleasure, Bitch. I live for this shit!

Okay, so here’s what you need to consider:

Bed #1 has a footboard. That makes it difficult to tuck in your comforter. But you can put a bench in front of that headboard and create a whole seating area, and to keep muthafuckas off your bed. Also, benches are equally good for fucking. Footboards can be limiting. Ask me how I know. 😏

Bed #2 doesn’t have a footboard, but the sides at the headboard create a whole moment. Very sexy. BUT, reaching around them shits to get to your nightstand can be a pain in the ass.

That said, fucking doggy style at the end of the bed is automatically possible because no footboard, my nigga. Making up the bed is easier, too, and you can make your comforters lay flat without having to tuck it under the mattress.

You can still put a bench at the end, but you can fuck with one with a back on it to create another moment.

Bed 1: does it take two mattresses or just one? You have to consider how high up two mattresses will sit against the footboard. I can’t tell if it has just one in the pic. You don’t have to worry about that with the bed without the footboard…

Listen Bitch: beds are important. All the sleeping, and fucking, and lazy days Netflix and Chillin’. You got to get it right.

I paid for and got refunds for two beds before I settled on the one I have.

They are both BEAUTIFUL, but number two appears to satisfy your needs! So go ‘head, get yo’ bed, and go forth and get fucked.


~ D’juana


  1. Lynn says:

    Sooooo…I have bed #2 in cream (off white). It is VERY diva and ooh la la sexy!!! That 6ft headboard is EVERYTHANG!!! However, D’juana is right…reaching for my nightstand around that curve is a pain in the butt…especially since I have an adjustable bed. I’m thinking of sliding the nightstands forward for easier access. All of that said…I can’t wait to find a joker worthy of helping me break this bitch in!!! LOL

  2. Belle Rey says:

    LMAO. I’m dying at this. This is shit I never even thought about but so damn important. I too am looking at new bedroom furniture and also looking to make up for a very long dry spell in that dept, and was even considering bed #2 – Ashley’s Furniture by the way lol. Thanks now I know for sure which to get!!

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